Every Wednesday night for the last almost 9 years, I have gone to pray in adoration before Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. Last night was the same. Before leaving the house, I had started an article to post today, but I was so moved by what happened there, that I have to share it.
My older daughter is a freshman at college in Atlanta. I live in Boston. They are very far apart. The past month has been very stressful for her due to the heavy workload and the tests and papers on top of it. She’s also getting sick.
She’s been off-and-on sick for at least the last 3 days & fighting it off before that. She is a kid who never stops. So when she takes a nap in the middle of the day on 2 different days and complains of a very sore throat, I know it’s serious. No fever though, so she doesn’t think herself sick enough to go to the doctor.
On my way out the door to the adoration chapel, my phone rang. A small and ill voice greeted me. “Mom, my throat really hurts…” And so it began – the thing we moms do: diagnosing, asking questions, recommending remedies, and ending with, “You really need to go to the clinic.” A little while later I texted her to see if she was going. She replied that it closed at 6.
So what did I do? I started to worry. It’s hard being so far away. I want to scoop her up & make her feel better. She has a tendency to faint when she gets sick, which makes me very nervous. She sleeps on a lofted twin bed with her desk underneath and no ladder to get up or down. The kids just hoist themselves up onto the bed. I hate her being up so high. What if she wakes up and is disoriented and falls out of bed? She just recovered from a serious concussion at the beginning of August and can’t sustain another head injury. My mind raced.
But there I was in front of Jesus. I looked at him, and He looked at me. I laid her at His feet, “My Jesus I trust in You.” I repeated it again, “My Jesus I trust in You. Lord, I just have to entrust her to your care. There is nothing I can do. Please take care of her.”
I glanced over to the bookcase and saw one of my favorite books, The Reed of God by Caryll Houselander and was prompted to go to page 47. My eyes fell on the first paragraph:
When she is sick and you stand by the bedside shaken with fear, when she sleeps and you lean over her held by the amazement of seeing this little girl who has your life, God is there, too; indeed all this love of yours is only God’s love which you sense vaguely. He, the true father is there; He is around and above and below the child; He is in her heart. You only love at all because God loves infinitely more. (note: masculine pronoun in the original)
This simply took my breath away. He, the true father is there; He is around and above and below the child; He is in her heart. I immediately saw God’s protection surrounding her in that bed five feet off the ground. Over and over again I read this and prayed it. Tears fell from my eyes. Had I been alone in the chapel I would have sobbed.
I surrendered her yet again and stopped asking Him to protect and take care of her, but started to thank Him for being a true father and for being “around and above and below” before I even asked. I thanked Him for being in her heart. I thanked Him for giving me this word of comfort. I thanked Him for helping me to let go and to remember I can trust Him.
I cannot say that this type of experience is an isolated incident in adoration. Jesus speaks to us in a different way when we spend time in adoration with Him. I have run the gamut of human emotions in adoration – everything from (pardon me) boredom to deep spiritual union. There were many times when I really didn’t want to go, but I kept the commitment and kept going week after week, month after month, year after year, to where it now approaches a decade! Right action brings right thinking.
What I know about this time I spend with Jesus is that there is an ever deepening intimacy which abides with Him. Just as we grow in closeness with someone we love by spending time with them, the same is true for Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. Grace abounds. Burdens are lightened. Conversations take place. And I fall ever more deeply in love with Him.
If you have never been to adoration, go. If you’ve gone occasionally, go more frequently. If you go regularly, go deeper. You will never regret it.
Jesus, in the Blessed Sacrament, we adore you! Anne